Worrying About “Settling” Will Destroy Your Love Life

Thought Catalog

Nathan CongletonNathan Congleton

There’s a common trope in romantic advice that you shouldn’t make someone a priority if they only make you an option. Put another way, don’t give someone more than they give you. To do anything less is to settle for less than you are giving, for less than you deserve. It feels empowering, at first, to assert that you will only be with someone who works for your love in the same way you will work to give it to them, but there’s no surer path to lifelong romantic unhappiness than adopting this kind of philosophy.

When you say “I will only love someone who gives me as much love as I give them” you are instituting a scoreboard, and once a relationship has a scoreboard you will never be happy with it again. Think about it — does it sound at all pleasurable to spend your…

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