So a lot has been stirring inside my head. I’m still mandated to go to physical therapy for my upper back and instructed to do wrist exercises so that my right hand doesn’t become permanently stiff.
Speaking of all things stiff, it seems that the inability to be flexible keeps popping up. It comes from the grocery boy to the CEO to your own “friends” and even your parental figures.

I guess I have no right to ask people to be flexible or make time for me when I actually need them right?

I guess rationalizing that people have their own things going on or care about what makes themselves happy, even if it requires other people being involved in their happiness.

I ask for maybe 5 or 10 minutes of your time. A lunch ? A dinner? Maybe a simple light hearted phone call. So then why do people always turn these leisures sour?

I’ve lived my life just taking things that are given to me for a smile and working hard for the things that I want. I’m still human.

But even if I worked myself til exhaustion, cried myself dry, starved myself til I don’t know hunger anymore, it turns out it’s never enough.

Growing up I would endure the disciplines my mother dealt unto me, silence my wants in the presence those that looked at me, I became an introvert to protect myself.
They say if you’ve been burned once, you know not to ever be close to whatever burned you. Sometimes we replace “once” with “enough”…

The pictures in the chrome box flicker in front of me. The cool summer night breeze gently touches me. Goosebumps arise.

I see a family. A see a team. I see unity.

Why is it that these pictures have more warmth then the faces here? Where is the understanding, caring, loving faces? Why is it that the arms in the box embrace and support while the arms here grab and take?
Why is dysfunction normalized in the box but shamed and ridiculed here?

It’s okay to not have a “perfect life” where millions of people watch you but it’s not okay when it’s your co-worker, friend, or significant other who supposedly has your back.

The days when eating a meal with someone you care about or relaxing at the beach isn’t enough. There’s always a need for more.

Is smiling and genuinely being happy not enough?

Why do people demand more time when they are completely fine with cutting you off or when they don’t give the same to you?

Why do people demand more kindness when they’ve spit in your face or they call you a “pussy” for needing it?

Why do people demand more support when they know it is you that needs it, has no one to lean on, but shifts the attention to themselves.

Why do people take advantage of the people that actually still care about others or have been conditioned in a way that them being selfish has caused more hurt then any psychologist can ever analyze and empathize to?

I just want someone true.

I just want the simplethings…


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