Stoicism

I have this weird obsession with personality quizzes.

It’s not that I don’t EXACTLY who I am. I don’t know who really does really at any point in their life but, I also end up picking the wierdest quizzes. Funny thing is, they’re usually the ones that are spot on or they enlighten me sometimes about myself.

I didn’t really think about it when but one of the results said that I “feel like too many bad things can come from obsessing over pleasure – and that some of the biggest gains come from tolerating pain.”

I try to live a good life and be the best person I can be. I’ve never been interested with what is “in” since I was young. Okay maybe getting my ears pierced or putting on makeup but now I just keep simple crystal studs in my ear ( I have like, 5 total ear piercings, though about getting more ) and I don’t really wear make up anymore. Maybe when I go out or for a special occasion. After a while, all those things: enormous amounts of make up, flashy and/or ridiculous amounts of jewelry, and a hoarder’s closet of clothes filled with most items that may have seen the light of day twice if their lucky, don’t really have value after you use them.

The make is wiped off every time the final product isn’t what you want or when you’re about to go to sleep. ( For those that sleep with make up I don’t know how you do it )

The jewelry will rust, turn green, or break so you store it, replace it, or throw it away.

The clothes become too small or too big. Too loose or too tight. Never able to morph with your ever changing body.

I guess back when I used to model frequently ( probably a shoot every other day ) I got tired of people obsessing about what to put on my face, what my hair must look like, the clothes, the accessories; these people would sometimes still be unsatisfied after debating and changing their minds for hours. Why did we even make a plan for the shoot when it was going to change anyways? If I had known that a shoot was going to be a painfully, long, planned out shoot, I probably wouldn’t have accepted the offer at the time. I usually work best when people give me a general idea, tell me to bring whatever I can stuff into a duffle bag ( including shoes ) and the photographer would choose the location. Simple. Probably take 3 hours or more depending on how well I know the photographer or how picky he is.

I’ve taken a hiatus from modeling simply because my focus is on school and supporting myself through school. Modeling was fun and made me happy because it allowed me to release my inner creativity with other people but, like everything in life there’s always a condition. I wasn’t tall enough ( I’m 5’9” ). I’m not thin enough ( 126 lb at the time ). My body shape ( at “normal weight” 134lb~ I have small hourglass, “model weight” 125lb and below I was a rectangle. ) It no longer was fun and enjoyable to me. It became a business. I enjoyed being thin since, hey, I could fit into a shit ton  clothes, but I wasn’t happy. I certainly wasn’t happy when I reached my lowest point during my modeling career. I’ll probably write some posts on my life as a model someday.

Ultimately, I understand and believe that happiness comes from within.

Like Gwen Stefani once sang,

“All the riches, baby, won’t mean anything
All the riches, baby, won’t bring what your love can bring
All the riches, baby, won’t mean anything
Don’t need no other baby, your lovin’ is better than gold,”

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